I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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