So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize