I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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