Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
