He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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