can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize