today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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