so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
being pregnant is like rehab
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
