I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
