She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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