i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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