he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
