I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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