So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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