Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is wine microwaveable?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
