I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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