Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize