My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
