You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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