Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
