you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
