im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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