Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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