so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
