is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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