just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
