i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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