From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
