sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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