You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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