i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
