My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
