I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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