It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
