she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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