apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was like eating out sand paper
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i came on her dog
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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