and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
