fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
