a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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