I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
