were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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