The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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