I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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