it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
