so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
