There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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