just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
