Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
