took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
