This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
