I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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