Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
