a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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