That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
