the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize