gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize