Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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