You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
