I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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