Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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