he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
