I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
