Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just invented taco cereal.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
