he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
