its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
