That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
