what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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