I cockslap morals
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
