Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
