According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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