your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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